Living Gracefully with the Process of Grieving

My brother, mother and father all died within one year. Prior to them all passing away, my friend died suddenly as well. She was the mother to four young children. In that same time span, a friend was diagnosed with cancer, my aunt died a month before my mother, and a great aunt died in between.

Grief is truly something that can only be understood when one goes through it. Many well meaning Christian friends have told me that Jesus walks with us in our time of grief. He, who has been through sorrow, knows our sorrows. Yet, that was not comforting, because although my faith tells me Jesus is present, my physical being is in need of comfort from tangible sources.

Along my journey to grieve in a graceful manner, I have had to close off certain people from my life. Naturally an extrovert, I have become more introverted. I just don't have the energy to deal with people. Most of my friends are busy with the daily affairs of life. And they want to relate to me in the same way. I, on the other hand, have literally had my whole word and ethos moved, shaken and taken away. Jesus understands that I am quit, tired, angry and confused. And He is there. What I have found I needed from my friends is just someone to be present as I sort through the journey of loss, and come in to a journey of hope and love once again. ( I attended a wonderful Grief Retreat through the "Spark of Life" Foundation that helped me understand this journey of life a little bit better).

While cleaning out my mother's closet, I found Jesus. He was hidden in a box. My mother was a woman of faith, but she did not advertise it. She just lived it as best she knew how. I put Jesus on the dining room wall. With all of the loss, it is hard to see His presence, but when I look at my mother's picture out in the open instead of hidden in a closet, I somehow find courage to grieve openly as I process what has just happened. And in that freedom to be sad, tired, lonely, angry or confused, I am finding healing in the grief that so many around me don't understand or just simply want to ignore the fact that I am feeling all that I am.

What is comforting, is looking up at that picture of Jesus, and knowing that He is here in each feeling along the way to my journey of  healing.

Living A New Path With My Father

One day I woke up and life changed forever. I became my father's caregiver. I could see it coming, I just did not see the path as it became so quickly.

When I decided to stay home with my father, to care for him, I was met with mixed feelings from friends, family and relatives.

In America, we are so blessed to have beautiful facilities such as assisted living and posh nursing homes to care for our aging parents. And many go there. They are quite pricey and often times when our parents need more care, Medicare does not cover it. So many families are left with little options but to care for their loved ones at home.

This is a growing crisis in America as the a significant portion of the population is elderly.

The choice to stay home and care for my father was not one I lingered over, as I did not have much of a choice. My mother died suddenly and unexpectedly and I instantaneously became my father's caregiver.

But what I have learned in the journey over the last few months is that for me, it is the right thing to do.

So many people from other countries consider their elderly a part of their family to care for until they die. The community, the village, and the neighbors all join in to make this happen. Yet in America, it is still a foreign concept. Why is this?

It is not easy to navigate a new path in caring for parents in America, albeit there are many choices...I am learning.

However, the journey can be difficult but beautiful. And for me it is just the beginning of a new day.

I did meet an older gentleman on an electric wheelchair while at the beach with my father. He told me that God would bless me for caring for my father. And he said that my dad was lucky to have me. He told me of how he went to great lengths to care for his wife for years until she passed.

Part of this new path for me is keeping the value of the human life at the forefront, even in a world where it sometimes is diminished for convenience and money. But in the end, it is the intangibles of life that make it worthwhile, and beautiful. And Jesus leads the way! Jesus is the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End. He creates life, He gives life and He takes life in His time.